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i can't live my life like you.. - Under A Winter Sun

About i can't live my life like you..

Previous Entry i can't live my life like you.. Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:44 am Next Entry
Jennie and Mike preposed instead of them moving out, I ship Sebastian back to Dan next week.

I'm going to do this. Because it'd cost my mom an additional $400 a month to help me out with the rent on top of everything she's already helping me out with, and because Sebastian's becoming impossible to handle. I love the dog. But I really understand now why some mothers kill their babies. I really do. It's sick, but I get it. His behavioral problems are a lot for me to handle. I can't take him with me to Colorado anyway. And the fact is I'm not financially independent and I can't ask my mom to pay an additional $1200 minimum because I want to keep him a few more months. In the end Dan gets him back anyway.

And I'd love to be this animal rescuer-person, saving the abused and misunderstood animals and giving them a wonderful, loving home. I really would. But the fact is I can't do it right now. I'm 20 years old and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. I'm moving around and I don't own a big house or something for them to all run around in. I can't provide a stable home to so many animals. I'm really honored everyone has deemed me responsible enough to dump their animals on when they can't take care of them anymore, but I'm at a loss. Physically I don't have the energy for the dog. He needs attention. He needs to run. He needs to go to the park and play. I don't have the time. Financially I can't afford it. He damages things. He has to be boarded if I go away. He needs supplies. He needs to go to the vet. He's already lost me the security deposit on this apartment. Emotionally I can't handle it because he's a very high-maintence dog. He has serious issues and I just don't have the patience, although I love him and I'd love to be able to handle him. But I'm also young and need to be able to keep roommates. I can get away with a cat or two. They're low maintence, stay inside, and don't cause any trouble. But Sebastian's a bit more of a handful. I think Dan will be more able to give him what he needs. At least I hope so. I've been a good foster parent, and I've gone above and beyond given the situation I was put in. Dan's had 11 months now to get his shit together. I never gave him crap about abandoning his dog with me. But now it's time for thim to step up to the plate, because I'm running out of options.

Jennie's due to give birth February 14th. They want to move out at the beginning of Janurary so they're not moving when she's about to go into labor. My lease ends at the end of Janurary. At that time, I'm either going to have to have someone else move in here, or I'm going to wind up living with my mom and sister in Virginia. My mother just bought a three bedroom townhouse, and the fact is I can't afford to live in this apartment by myself. Moving to a one-bedroom apartment in this area would be rediculous given I only intend to stay an additional six months. That'd be a whole other security deposit, utilities bill, etc., and the one-bedrooms are too expensive anyway. So if I don't find another roommate by the time my lease ends, I'm going to move in with my mom until it's time to go to Colorado to begin the fall semester. I'm okay with this, because the fact is I'm just lucky to have so much help from my parents in the first place. Everyone else I know gets very little help, and really has to worry about money a lot more than I do. My parents give me a big cushion when it comes to my expenses, and I'm grateful. Whatever will save my mom the most money where I'm concerned, I'm willing to do. Of course that means she'd have to pay out of state prices for me to go to school that semester, but it'd still be less than helping pay for me to live by myself down here. So we'll see what happens. Hopefully I can find someone to move in here with me for six months so I don't have to go through the process of moving across the country only to have to move across the country again six months later. That'd be a pain in the arse. But we'll see.

I picked the wrong freaking week to quit Starbucks. Everyone else got compensated for the time they couldn't work because of the hurricane, but my last day was two days before the storm hit us. Now I have to call FEMA (don't ask me what that stands for) to request compensation for lost wages. Grr.

I finished orientation for Home Depot tonight, so I start in the store tomorrow. It doesn't sound like it's going to be that bad. Orientation was boring as all hell, but that's how orientations go I suppose. I text messaged pretty much everyone I know. Working in the store should be a bit more interesting. After I finish training, anyway. Whatever, I have to get a paycheck and I'm just glad I don't have to work at Starbucks anymore. I miss all my coworkers though.. I'm going to be lonely at work. =o(

I had a really weird dream last night.. one of those dreams where something you want happens, but then you wake up and it didn't really happen so you get really sad. Except it was bittersweet even in my dream. And then the someone from the dream called me just a little while ago and it reminded me and I got all sad. Really weird, though. I'm kind of glad things didn't go the way they did in that dream, cause I think I would have been devastated. Mmhmm. I'm not giving any more details than that so you can all remain confused.
Current Mood: weirdweird
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